Tonight at work while helping a customer, there was a loud bang, followed by the familiar sound of a collision.
Tires squealed. I knew there had been an accident. Minutes later there were sirens. Then more sirens. Ambulances. I could not step out to see what had happened initially. Instead I had to keep helping customers, some of whom were starting to come in, telling us something had happened.
"There is a body in the street." Somebody had been hit. Two cars had collided in the midst of the maelstrom, either as part of, or the root cause of the accident. As traffic to the area was summarily curtained off, customer intake dwindled. Eventually, I was able to go outside. The yellow sheet I had seen once before was there, slumped against the planter, dark liquid or some darkened mass beneath it running onto the street. I looked up the street, realizing what I just heard was witnessed about about 200 people out shopping during the Saturday night dinner and bar scene. Right in front of Whole Foods, about 80 feet from our front door, were many hundreds of people now gathering, surrounded by several trucks, police and emergency workers.
Then I had to go back in and help customers. For an hour. I guess I must have this down, because I went on autopilot, thinking about how what if Bob read about this on the news and thinks it was me crossing the street? This level of freak out, I do not want.
A co-worker says there are some people who are outside saying they think he may have purposely dove in front of the car, not tripped as others say or saw. I know a bit about how people witness an accident or experience can differ greatly among eyewitnesses, so I tried not to pay attention to it. Later on the way home, I saw how it also totally disrupted all the inbound traffic on market for many hours.
At work I have difficulty counting out my drawer. I feel very anxious. Everyone's awareness seems...heightened. I cannot wait to get home. the day had been long before this. Our computers had gone down this morning, about 10 minutes after after I got on the floor. It was chaos, probably the biggest pain I had experienced since working there. It was only about 30 minutes but it seemed like forever. I didn't sleep again. Weird dreams. Missing Bob. Such a strange day and this caps the evening.
I am so grateful for whatever experience or joy it is that I have, and doubly so for those that others may not. Life is so quick. You can work so hard all your life for nothing, or be gifted beyond belief and die early. Survival is more about chance than is truly is about anything else. I've seen it up close too many times myself to mention here. It seems only by accident that most of us remain here sometimes. Whatever happens is going to happen. Maybe the only takeaway is you have to be joyful in the moment no matter what.
I know tonight I am home enjoying my life while someone else's life has suddenly been changed forever. I am so very fortunate to not be the man beneath that yellow sheet. Or anyone else directly involved for that reason. I hope that whatever good energy I am trying to put out into the universe will counter this, even if that is just to smile at somebody, for just a moment.
