For Tweed 3 Years and So Many Tears How I wish you were here...

Not a day goes by where I don't think about you

You and I, we went through so much together

You held me

while I held you

You visited my soul

when I was in darkness

and needed me

as I needed 

you.

Through the veil and the time and the ages, 

here you are again, 

with some stranger's face, 

with some stranger's grace. 

In every cat's lovely face, I see you.

(But I'll never get over you, my cranky old man)

Tweed ( 1997 - 2011)

Xmas 2012 / Animals and Icons

Something Better, Bigger, More Beautiful

for Bob Gutterman, because I love him.

For Mack (cross posted on Facebook)

Mack 1996 - 2011

I wanted to post this in honor of Mack, who left us this past week to go run and play on the other side of the rainbow bridge. I only had the pleasure of knowing Mack for a little while but the brief time I spent with him was always nothing short of sublime. His sweet gentle nature and happy-go-lucky disposition could make even the grayest day seem warm and sunny-and this picture reminds me of that. We had such fun running, laughing/barking and playing together on our walks with Bob, to Kay park and the field. You always brought a smile to my face and to the many strangers who you came into contact with.

I know you will have lot of new friends to play with until we meet again. I told Champ, Taffy, Cody and all our other friends to look for you once you arrive so you won't be lonely. I know you are feeling better now so you can run and play again-and your daddies know they don't have to worry if you are hurting anymore. I told them have plenty of biscuits ready or there would be some serious woofing going on!

Love you, miss you and see you again someday.

Your friend Steve

Josquin Davis ( 1998 - 2011 )

This afternoon when I went to give Josquin his medications, I found him in Mark's office under a folding table. When I called his name, instead of getting up, he rolled his head over to look at me. His eyes were wide and I could tell something was wrong. I reached through the table legs to pick him up. He was responsive but limp like a rag doll. When I put him on the bed to give his meds, he couldn't stand up and kept flopping over. I put a little baby food on my finger and put it in front of his mouth but he wouldn't touch it. He kept trying to get up and wanted off the bed. I moved him to the floor where he proceeded to try and crawl into a corner. He began panting heavily and slobbering, continuing to try and hide. I knew he was dying then. I tried making him as comfortable as possible and made sure he wasn't bumping into things. Finally he stopped struggling. His breathing slowed and his body began to twitch, followed by small grunts and sighs. I held him gently as he let out his last few breaths and then he was still. I stroked his head and petted him from one end to the other then I kissed him goodbye.

Goodnight sweet prince, may there be endless fields of mice and catnip wherever you roam....You made me laugh, drove me crazy, made me cry like a baby AND we had LOADS of fun together. You were with me through some of the worst times in my life-and I never would have gotten through them without you. You taught me a lot about being gentle and loving-and you were a good brother to Tweed too. In the end, you taught me about grace and reminded me about the circle of life-to appreciate what we have when we have it. I hope that I did right by you even though I wasn't always at my best. You set a benchmark for every other cat that comes after you-and there will never be another like you. Missing you terribly already...Your Papa, Steve.

At The Pelican Inn

Love Waits / Love is Now

being sad
ocasonally
is okay

it means you still have feelings
that you are still human

giving all the way in
means
depression
has left you reeling

but it doesn't mean
it doesn't mean
you're through

they want you
to give up
pack it up
don't come back
from their attack

but no
your ability
is endless
you may not know it
but you've got traction

love is offshore
in the conflict
waiting for the time
to be right
to fight
for a lovewar

maybe you thought
you couldn't wait
that long
too many years
too many nights
filled with loneliness
and confirmed fears.

but no,
the serenity
will come when it is ready
hold steady
when the boots come to tread
deadly on the backs
of heroes

zero in on the indecision
play backwards
the fates'
indecent indiscretions
love waits for now
or for never
hold tight
love is always
and for now
when the mind's eye
becomes a hallway

hate is a doorway
you can fall through
for freedom
hopelessness
may have vast grasps
but no
see dreams come
your soul is the sun
love waits for never
or for now but
is never done.

-for Tasha

Reason Why I Love Bob Gutterman / part 1

cheerful
funny
intelligent
sophisticated
charming
furry
nice smile
friendly
brings out the best in me
easy to talk to
doesn’t talk down to me
fun to be with
I can be myself around him
loves animals
not selfish
responsible
confident
unique sense of humor
respects my opinion and has his own
not conceited
patient
sensitive to my needs and moods
shows excitement over my accomplishments
knows that we are a work in progress
intelligent without ego
not afraid to show emotion
knows his abilities, talents, and weaknesses
enjoys learning and doing new things
I always feel comfortable with him
has courage
similar interests
gives equally to the relationship
doesn’t threaten me
kind hearted
courteous and considerate
can work out disagreements calmly
proudly introduces me
can be uninhibited
a loyal friend to his friends
has common sense
doesn’t demand his way
a good listener
enjoys music and understands its power
doesn't expect perfection
knows why I love him

More to come!!!

M'Wah!

Allison Moyet Sings at Kirsty MacColl Tribute Concert

Oh my god I am sitting here in TEARS! TEARS!! And Alf looks amazing! I don't think I have ever seen her this thin in the 30+ years I have listened to her sing(Yaz,Fad Gadget or solo). Its clear she loves this song and Kirsty. I hope somewhere Kirsty is watching and listening and loving this as much as I am.

This Charming Man

This Charming Man - Morrissey/Marr

A punctured bicycle
On a hillside desolate
Will nature make a man of me yet ?

When in this charming car
This charming man


Why pamper life's complexity
When the leather runs smooth
On the passenger seat ?


I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said "It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care"


A jumped up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said "return the ring"
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things


I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said "It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care"
Na, na-na, na-na, na-na, this charming man ...
Na, na-na, na-na, na-na, this charming man ...


A jumped up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said "return the ring"
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things
He knows so much about these things

Beautiful Creatures - Tweed

He looks very regal in his posture and I love the heroic pose I captured.

Yeah, its too hot to sleep. We're all up...roaming around the house looking worn out and overheated so I thought I'd do what I normally do when I need to do SOMETHING on autopilot and took pictures.

I'm Down with the Cuteness

Yo!

No Waves for Sailors

I watch the clock
my two faced world
ticks me off
back in time
a mind full of visions
takes flight
takes my mind beyond these walls of
glass

the more I see
the less I care
about pain
suffering
of any kind
the well of sadness
has dried
and become
dust

I may belong to the seas
many men have fallen
before me
borne of fire
quenched in these waves
likes optimisms desire
a rogue 7th saves
the coast from
man's scarring
ways

No Cure For The Early Poisoning

sometimes
I catch my image
in a mirror
or a reflection
and for a moment
I don't recognize
myself.

I am not me.
full of bile
and jealousy.
a broken down horse
a derelict car
you would have towed
away if you could have.

never was one
to sign away my rights
or hand over my life
I never knew if
the ship I was
on was sinking
or if it
was all just
a dream.
walking through
your own life
for so long
without really
living, stumbling
around in the
darkness, humbled
by the light...

Light...
Lights in the distance
fire in the sky
explosions level
the city
for an old
score.

This boy is laughing
and this boy is crying
and this boy is searching
and this boy wonders
will the voices
ever stop screeching
tear it all away
like cellophane
not much difference
in the real me
and the one
who remains.

The Ferns of Childhood's Demise

we are what we are
never who we seem
we are the dreamers
dreambeings themselves
in dreams, revealed

but hungry snakes
with eyes of dread
books by Blake
with nightmare's stead
bolting now
blotting out
erased memory
luscious pout
coach rides in the night
beckon you
wailing wails
from inside you
hound me in
the night
(we never
seem to get
it right)
self doubt whispers
into ears
as we sleep
greet peace with
raised fists keep
on fighting, TKO
down for the count
fist of fury
knock you out
but when the last clang
of the bells
is heard
only you and I
face down
and bleeding
on the curb.
Would have better
chances with the goons
than families
that lied
when they promised
love too soon.

No Words for Winter

I don't need words
whether winter is here
a mind at peace
a heart full of leaves....
inside this sphere

Life, Love and Anger

The job search continues to be interesting and vexing. but that's neither here nor there, considering the state of things. I feel pretty good, at least on most days I know I am smiling about something. And that's a nice thing to understand about what this year means-transition is not necessarily always good, but neither does it all have to suck. I mean, sure, I could probably stamp my feet and wring my hands and woe-is-me, but it would not achieve very much.

And as much as I think I have fought the good fight with the perpetually 'developing' relationship that instead developed into a lot of heartache and eventual friendship, there comes a time where its better to just move on and consign the lessons to growth rather than looking back in anger. I have learned something very important about myself this past year-that being angry about stuff in the past has a lot to do with not expressing on whatever level....and the real healing has come from manifesting what has really been bothering me. Not that I see it as blame, more so as a means to recognize that I DON'T HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. Only my own...

Also, I think despite everything I am finally learning how to relax. Sometimes its work, and I think I am getting better about doing that work now. The situation with getting my credit card balance paid, dealing with my Ex(He's now dealing with prostate cancer though its observational at this point) and just generally trying to recreate my path post-relationship has been pretty illuminating and, if I am honest, still a little sad. However I am okay with that. It means there is still plenty of work to do. Living so far away from "home" has also shown me I need to get on the ball if I am ever going to come back. But I won't be angry about it anymore-that's my responsibility to overcome. As always listening to lots of music...where so many of life's most difficult answers lay...

If you can't tell your sister
If you can't tell a priest
'Coz it's so deep you don't think you can
Speak about it to anyone....
Can you tell it to your heart?
Can you find it in your heart
To let go of these feelings
Like a bell to a Southerly wind.

I Love Everyone.