Life, Love and Anger

The job search continues to be interesting and vexing. but that's neither here nor there, considering the state of things. I feel pretty good, at least on most days I know I am smiling about something. And that's a nice thing to understand about what this year means-transition is not necessarily always good, but neither does it all have to suck. I mean, sure, I could probably stamp my feet and wring my hands and woe-is-me, but it would not achieve very much.

And as much as I think I have fought the good fight with the perpetually 'developing' relationship that instead developed into a lot of heartache and eventual friendship, there comes a time where its better to just move on and consign the lessons to growth rather than looking back in anger. I have learned something very important about myself this past year-that being angry about stuff in the past has a lot to do with not expressing on whatever level....and the real healing has come from manifesting what has really been bothering me. Not that I see it as blame, more so as a means to recognize that I DON'T HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. Only my own...

Also, I think despite everything I am finally learning how to relax. Sometimes its work, and I think I am getting better about doing that work now. The situation with getting my credit card balance paid, dealing with my Ex(He's now dealing with prostate cancer though its observational at this point) and just generally trying to recreate my path post-relationship has been pretty illuminating and, if I am honest, still a little sad. However I am okay with that. It means there is still plenty of work to do. Living so far away from "home" has also shown me I need to get on the ball if I am ever going to come back. But I won't be angry about it anymore-that's my responsibility to overcome. As always listening to lots of music...where so many of life's most difficult answers lay...

If you can't tell your sister
If you can't tell a priest
'Coz it's so deep you don't think you can
Speak about it to anyone....
Can you tell it to your heart?
Can you find it in your heart
To let go of these feelings
Like a bell to a Southerly wind.

I Love Everyone.