You know you're from Fremont if you grew up in a town full of small minded, inbred bigots and anti-intellectuals

I was over Fremont 25+ years ago.

I think I just realized I am equally over the people on FB from Fremont as well. Its the same old problem of the mentality. The boorish, anti-intellectual, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, salt of the earth folks who think anyone rocking their boat, calling them on their bullshit and otherwise asking them to behave like reasonable people is a 'bully'.

Oh, if they only knew how little bullying they've gotten from me.

I've always known the place was riddled with homophobia, with racism, with heaping spoonfulls of hate. I think the lure of nostalgia, of feeling like perhaps there was enough strong memory to keep my interest up, was a hollow notion. Recently, I made the mistake of trying to get involved with what I thought would be a helathy debate about a public art piece-el mistako grande. The term pearls before swine comes to mind. Not only were they not interested in making a dialogue happen, but soon it turned into inane questions about topics totally unrelated, false analogies, false equivilencies, straw man arguments and just outright "stupid poopy head" grade school insults, It just didn't seem like bothering. Well thought out points were treated with disdain over differences in political affiliation, not the issues raised in the statements themselves. The last straw was being constantly attacked by a NIMBY republican whose only book listed as reading(a single book) was "How to drive liberals crazy" by some Breitbart quack-hack. They wanted to whine all day about not liking something being a reason it shouldn't exist. and hey we have potholes to fix and our school need that money! why do we even need public art?

Why did I even bother? Why do I bother trying to hold on to good memories from a place that continues to produce bad ones?

So, with that in mind I decided to leave the group. I didn't say anything or flame war my way out in a blaze of glory full of nasty insults, even though I was certainly getting quite a bit directed at me. No, I just went up to the box marked "notifications" and clicked 'leave group'. Done. I felt mad, like I was walking away from a fight someone else had picked. I was angry. I am still angry! But I knew that what was causing the anger because I had let myself get wrapped up in caring about something, and trying to engage others to do the same with what were my best, most inclusive statements. Why art was important. why public art installations are not cheap-why the $200,000 they spent on this very large site specific piece was actually quite cheap compared to some pieces out there. When I pointed out that people shouldn't complain if they weren't willing to get involved or pay for anything themselves, they finally went over the edge and called me a bully. They said I was 'too educated for my own good' I guess I must have threatened them too much or pressed their 'you're not a special snowflake' buttons too hard. The hen party harpies and homophobia came out, then the personal attacks began. I started realizing my pulse and stress level were so high my forehead felt hot. Why was I doing this again? Because I wanted public art to be taken seriously? In my hometown?

Other than one or two dissenting voices who showed support, it was a chorus of "I don't know much(or anything) about art, but I know I don't want any of that hippy faggot shit in my town!"

You know what? Fuck them. Fuck their willfully ignorant stance. and I don't mean book smarts, I just mean basic willingness to tolerate other people's desires without demonizes them. I don't want a drag strip in town, but I wouldn't object to one if they were to go through the proper channels. I don't like broccoli either but I don't go out of my way to hate on those who do. Well, I learned Fremont California doesn't work that way. If you don't like broccoli there you hate freedom. Hell, someone, with zero sarcasm, even called me a commie-pinko! Simply because I thought public art was worthwhile. So I didn't call them out with fluffy puppy, cotton-ball gentleness, which they neither deserved or were showing me. Often times when this had happened with others, there was a lot of public nastiness, cursing and big public announcements that "I AM LEAVING THIS GROUP!" followed by lame 'don't let the door hit you on the way asshole' comments. I'm taking the high road, and just leaving quietly. Fremont doesn't, nor has it ever deserved my attention or consideration. It was and is still a cultural wasteland. I don't miss it, and now I have even less need to interact with the assholes from within it today. So long Fremont FB group. Won't be missing you.

Make a wish. Count to ten. Time to dream again...

The Needless And The Damage Done / Heiresy

boundless streams
of the same old story
retold an infinitum
muscles contract
old trees split
for the hollow absence
to take shape
as bikes pedal themselves
clocks unwind
descend and prattle
out of time
in halos.

his face was
wet leaves lashed over
like appliques
anointed teardrops
for the unholy
trinity
friends, family
failures fractured
like antique vases
dropped by careless
derelicts into
the sea.

of soapbox derby
plaid shirts and dustbowl
smiles filled with razors
paradoxically family infirmary infinity
insanity irritability
measured by proximity
forged in the outer limits
like lovers in the Boar's war
desiring nothingness
in the absence
of uncertainty curtailed
to a snail's pace
and sleep.

--------

You hate me
then you complain when I'm not around
You refuse to get to know me
then claim you don't understand
You put endless hurdles in my way of staying close to you
then complain I am distant
You wish I was around more
then create opportunities that don't include me-on purpose.
Seriously, fuck off.
No wonder dealing with family makes me feel like I am crazy.
hey if the straight jacket fits?
Enough!
I'm not going out of my way anymore.
you want help? help yourself.
I'm not a punching bag here to squeeze good intentions out of when it serves
your purposes.
I don't want to know.
I don't care anymore.
you can't complain about the distance
when its YOUR fucking arm in between that's holding us apart.
one would think you would care more, give a shit, make an effort at least based on previous
grievances. Now you can take all those excuses and reasons and blow them out of your box. take your game of smoke and mirrors and go play with someone who gives a fuck.

Blow by Blow

Finally a posting on my art blog.

90 days ago was my last post. 3 months. no art for three months. 3 fucking months.

Enjoy that cruise. Really. Enjoy it.

But you know what? It may have slowed my output, but it didn't stop it.

You're not that powerful or able. not in a 100 years.

My brain kicked back and right on track: More art.

Its been a rare experience in my life not to make any new work for such a long period. there are no words, just raw anger. And your unbridled selfishness? I made it into beauty. You were an unscrupulous, unprofessional boss, a inconsiderate slob and liar as a roommate and a terribly emotionally abusive/emotionally distant partner not to mention a self absorbed and self interested friend. Any redeeming qualities as a human are all down to being nothing more than a trash receptacle for cum. Good luck with that - now that you've blown all your good fortune.

Begone bad spirits. Begone!

Sick Of Being Sick

I can't sleep. the cough expectorant is giving me really fucked up dreams(meeting your partner's dead ex in a dream and having to explain why the grass on his grave gets so high but he can't! or my usual chased by demons through the nightmarish wasteland of the post nuclear apocalypse-terrorized by bears which alternate look like my dead father or British comedian Eddie Izzard in drag(??? and double wtf!!!) does that count as fucked up to you?

what I wouldn't give for a more quiet mind! really!

my throat hurts and I have cramping in my chest from coughing-I'd enjoy staying up this late normally but nothing wrecks being up late like being up late because you're sick. If I ever get my hands on the little texting happy asian boy who spent the entire concert coughing and clearing his throat I'll make sushi out of him.

Hai-Ya!

And to add insult to injury Josquin decided to crap right in the middle of the hallway-perfect for stepping into in the dark-which I proceeded to do getting a glass of water. Luckily there was also pile of vomit not too far away-thank goodness I have that little bissel carpet cleaning thing or I would have been screwed-so I was able to clean up both piles and some random cat grass yack at..the clock says "6:11 AM" as I write this....I guess this is his way of telling me HE is sick of being sick. Heck, I am sick of his being sick. I don't know what to do...I want to crawl into a ball and cry.

Signs of The Apocalypse II / Non-Hamster Related

In a much more serious note, they have essentially declared that a meltdown of significant proportions has happened in Japan, contaminating food, soil and most importantly, seawater.

Yeah, as in water that is STILL IN the sea! So unlike Chernobyl, which was inland, this meltdown is happening RIGHT on/in the coastline. Who in the hell thought THAT was a good idea? I mean, yeah, seawater its cheap and its right there and I can see why cooling it with this makes sense-HOWEVER it doesn't sound like they put ANY planning into prevention of what would happen in the case of a serious tsunami. clearly-cooling your nuclear reactors is cheap but comes at the cost of putting your energy generating source right near the one thing every living thing on this planet needs to live-water. Water which is now flowing directly back into the larger seas right along the some of the deepest underwater canyons known to man. Joy!

"Its in your nature to destroy yourselves."

Ya got that right.

Off Her Gaugin / Please Fuck Off And Die

Meet Susan Burns-yes, the woman who tried to tear Gaugin's 'Two Tahitian Women' right off the wall so she could destroy it because it showed homosexuality.

Of course the mental health advocates are coming to her defense saying she was off her meds and that she would not do this otherwise. But...How many times has she done this when 'going off her meds'? She has been arrested several times, and not for petty crimes. if two little girls were holding hands, would she hit them with a car because they were showing 'homosexual tendencies'? Like holding a bouquet of flowers and watermelon is some sort of sapphic rite of passage for lesbians everywhere?

Which begs the joke "How many lesbians does it take to make a tropical party?"

You know what? fuck her. Drugs don't make you a homophobe. Is there such a thing as reverse disinhibition? No, I don't despise her because she is mentally ill-not because she lost her job and life is hard-those are things that happen all the time to people both on and off medications of many types. If she loses her job/benefits its HER responsibility to MAKE SURE SHE FINDS A WAY to get more or get help another way-not the museum, or the general public's responsibility. There are any number of public health options and private options for getting medications that cost NO money. As someone who was taking these types of drugs, she was well aware what not taking them leads to-as her long criminal rap sheet can attest.

No, what actually bothers me is-even in her delusions she is still a homophobic bigot. Reality does not alter your values or their expression-please don't try and cover that by blaming her schizophrenia. it is not a get out of jail free card here. How long until she goes off and kills someone, even if she just perceives them to be "homosexual?" what if the painting was of two sisters? would she attack any painting that showed people of the same sex in the normal non-judeo-christian ethic clothing normal to their culture? even if they are not touching each other-simply in the same frame? C'mon, this is about being crazy-the meds here are NOT the problem - its the crazy white lady who won't take full enough responsibility for her mental health-full stop. Lets just hope she gets real help before she tries or is allowed to destroy anything-or anyONE-else.

We need to stop babying people forever and acknowledge that some people are just NOT going to do well in a normal society and DO something about it. better that than cycling these people endlessly through the mental health /criminal justice systems.

"Hedonist"

When I am 59 years old I want to be able to look back at my life and say I did more than simply get myself laid and sell stuff. God am I glad mark and I broke up-his life seems so meaningless, boring and repetitive. Its no wonder I was just bored to tears with the non-life we were not having. What a dull, dull life he seems to have-and lucky...because if he didn't have friends that needed(sort of) work he sure wouldn't have gotten through this past year's economy without them. Of course that can't last forever-winter is coming and his house of cards is about to get soaked to the bone. Hopefully I am not here in this apartment when that happens.

Me: Who was that?
Mark: just some guy...

talk about a metaphor for his entire life..."Just some guy". Yawn!