Ashes to Ashes to Josquin

Today I picked up Josquin's ashes from the vet. I never thought I could be as sad as I was this afternoon. Even though Tweed was given the thumbs up, I couldn't stop thinking about Josquin. His urn is nice-aromatic cedar with a little panel in the front for a picture and a nice card from the place who did the cremation. Several techs and people at the vet's office came up to me to say how sorry they were that josquin has passed. I kept it together long enough to get back in the cab before I started to cry. Holding one cat in one arm and another in the other, sloshing around in the back of the cab while I just wished I was home....where a third cat waited to show me love and affection. It was a little more than I could take.

I miss Josquin terribly. His death, though short and relatively pain free still haunts me. I still have tons of guilt around his death-being away from him that last week and wondering if I had not left, would he still be here? that I had to leave him alone when he was so sick? My mind races...I can't stop it. Even though Nathaniel is here and getting acclimated and that draws a lot of my attention, I cannot stop feeling like I let him down in some ways. Maybe that is something I will need to work on as time goes on and the hurt is less. God knows my heart is still hurting. Until the day I cross the rainbow bridge and we get to laugh and romp together again....Until then old friend...don't forget Daddy misses and loves you always.