Not There

did I get on the wrong train
one with a mixed up
destination
the place you want to be
keeps changing
while you learn
to forget
madmen dreams
the familiar face dealing with the same
pains running away
with a song or a note
that's never here or there
rock and roll isn't always
there to save you
in the lowest ebb
of static blistering through
the rashness of decisions in
the dark corners
where mad thoughts laughing back
at me.

What kind of wall did
I ever believe in
that would be made
of nothing?

with each bad decision
some part me
I don't remember
is disintegrating

broken sidewalks
where I paused or stopped
never seemed to lead
me somewhere decent
a descent into recent unhappiness
or something dredged up
from the unrecent past
like a wet coat I can't shrug
nothing works, even drugs

I am so tired... so tired.