Well, Tweed is at the vet tonight. I think this is the first time He has been away all night without me so he probably scared. Fuck...I'M scared. Vet said he is indeed under weight. When he was in there in August 31st he weighed 10.4 lbs. Today he weighed only 9 lbs. That is a huge difference in just under three months. One kidney is swollen and he had some poop on his rump and paws. Signs that he is too tired/weak/sick to clean himself or go the bathroom without effort. I had sensed he was wobbly a day ago and thought it might have been because he had just woken from a nap. Combined with the lethargy and bathroom issues, lack of eating and general change in demeanor I just knew something was wrong. He had to go in but it just shot the whole day, and though Bart was cool, I feel shitty for delaying the project on a day we could have worked a whole day. Blood and Urine Tests tomorrow probably, maybe x-rays....sigh.
In a boat without a mast again, trapped in a time without time, between time. Suddenly everything is slowed down. time stops but, in a matrix-like fashion, some things are running on their own systems. Going through Josquin's old medications last night just set me off and today didn't help, being torn in so many directions and so by so many degrees. I just couldn't deal at the vet. I could barely keep it together and thought when I was finally able to go, that I could get outside, dawn my dark glasses and cry a little(ok, a lot) but when I finally got outside, it was overcast, dark and the air was moist with low fog. Glasses would make me virtually blind. fuck it, I'll just walk through the park and cry...so that is what I did. the nice thing about GG Park is there are a number of places to step off the well trodden path and smoke something. I realized it was either that or bump into another tree because I was crying so hard I couldn't see straight. I finally got it together when I hit the pan handle and came across a huge group of quasi homeless folks, street freaks and Occupy This Sidewalk Park people and I remembered where I was.
I went to Amoeba records to just look around. I thought some low grade retail therapy would help. There is a new re-issue of a single by morrissey with unreleased demo as a b-side I picked that up used and bought "the Crazies" a horror film from a few years back I wanted to see but was unwillingto fork out $20/popcorn for it. $3.99 however is a lot better and seeing as I really needed something to take my mind off things, nothing works like an off the wall post apocalyptic disease/zombie movie set in a small town. Well, that and some rum and coke, some herb and lots and lots of cleaning, washing, totally cleaning my curtains and redesigning my window treatment. Matt Johnson...sell me some wisdom, baby...
"No more blood
and no more pain
in our
kingdom of rain"
Today I finally bought myself some razors, paper towels and sponges. Bought a pretty cool antique looking Marconi style light bulb at Cliff's for my super tall triangle stand lamp. Now I just need to get a shade for it. I should just buy a cheap used harp and find some wire and make my own shade. Something modern with clean lines. I was thinking tall and cylindrical with some cool cut outs so it throws a pattern on the wall. (stop me if it sounds like I am going to clutch my hands, gasp and make a scrunched up face...where is my fucking NYTimes article?).
Oh Tweed...I love you with all my heart and hope that you are feeling better tomorrow. I am sorry I wanted to leave you at the vet but Daddy was paranoid you were so sick that you might die if he took you home without vet people around to save you. I PROMISE I will pick you up...er, later today and bring you home. I know you will feel better. I'll have your blanket warm and ready for you when you get home.
Deep breath...
another Deep breath...not of air....
Sigh....hang in there...everyone!
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