More Goals

Goal: To do more of EVERYTHING. More work. Have more Sex. make more Art. Make more money.

Swing my machete
through the jungles
of depression.

Winning is a choice. Being 'poor' is a state of mind.

Essential Listens John Cale / Fragments of A Rainy Season

Good for many reasons not the least of which is Cale himself. But this album is more-its Cale as virtuoso pianist, gifted interpreter, distinctive songwriter and charismatic performer. This is almost an overview of his whole career, including material from every studio album up to that point(1992) as well as his setting of three of Dylan Thomas' poems to music(and as far as I know, the first ever his estate has allowed published) plus old Chestnuts like Fear and Ship of Fools, plus his radically take on Elvis' Heartbreak Hotel which still sounds haunting. and of course his legendary arrangement of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.

People often mistakenly pin the principal talent in the Velvet Underground on Lou Reed but other than mentoring with the poet Delmore Schwartz and doing some songwriting for the Picwic record label in the mid 60s he didn't have that much going on outside his burgeoning drug habit and the lingering effects of shock therapy treatments. Cale on the other hand was already a child prodigy, had played with no less than Terry Reily, Tony Conrad, Lamont Young AND John Cage before he turned 21-WAY before he even met Reed. He's also acted as producer on some of the most influential albums ever(Patti Smith's Horses comes to mind but the list-Nico,The Ramones, Nick Drake, Brian Eno, et al is HUGE)and written songs with loads of others. a real artist and poet-someone who does it because there isn't anything else worth doing. inspiration.

Back the Same Day

all the husbands
and the sons
turned to heroes
boy soldiers
turn into men.
one day
before you die
you'll feel the weight
of a gun.

but is your soul ever
going to be
free?
that weight
its too much
when did it all
get so damn heavy?

even if we're different as
night and day
like baby to mother
from midnight
to high noon
over and over
one always follows
the other.

higher and higher
wider and wider
the sky opens
like a new flower
the first drop
of every rainstorm.
beauty to protect
from harm.

you never have
a chance
when its
sweet temptation,
but is your soul free?
you'll find the ripcord
someday you'll get release.

You've had a helluva time
lets put it out to dry
lets hang it on a line.
swing like two kids
pretending to spy.
teenage wasteland,
teenage kicks,
teenage dreams
are still mine.

Essential Listens The Cocteau twins / Blue Bell Knoll

I'm starting a new writing series. I'm going to call it "essential listens" because I think that they are albums which nearly everyone can find interesting on some level. Er, and because I love them. ;)



You can get lost for days in the first track alone. There are a hundred thousand lifetimes in that song.

Proof There is No God - Kirsty MacColl

Kirsty MacColl 1959 - 2000



God I miss her. If I could give a leg to bring her back I would. Even if all I ever got was her living out the rest of her life being happy, that would be enough. Her music has brought me so much happiness over the years it can't be measured. Sadly it would take a lot more than a leg to raise the dead, and I am not that gifted, or that powerful.

I first heard of her oddly enough singing back up for my favorite band ever, The Smiths. Her cracking vocals on Your Just Haven't Earned It Yet Baby are as passionate and yearning as anything I've heard sung, ever. Her voice was instantly recognizable, almost intimate and yet amazing sunny and effervescent.

I went backward, discovering her solo albums starting with "Kite" from 1989 and working my way forward. There's a lot of gold in them thar hills! For someone who's Father is considered one of the godfathers of folk(Ewan MacColl- the first ever I saw your face) she had an incredible pop sensibility and enough songwriting hooks to catch fish for the 5,000.

As is sometimes the case with immense talent that arrives before their time, Kirsty never had any huge hits although Comedian Tracy Ullman took her 1983 single "They Don't Know" to number two in 1986-including leaving Kirsty's backing vocals intact from the original and right up front like a duet in the chorus. Forever a fan herself Ullman said at the time "it would have been wrong to use myself-without Kirsty's voice the song is not the same. I love her and her voice." Although a few singles charted in the lower reaches of the British charts, she never hit it big in the US, though her husband Steve Lillywhite had massive success with his production for Simple Minds, the Smiths and of course U2-almost all of whom Kirsty did backing vocals.

After her divorce from Lillywhite and the relative failure of her 'divorce' album Titanic Days, she took time off. Raising her two children and generally writing songs on her own, but sometimes with others, she mostly kept a low profile for many years. So it was with much delight when she reappeared in 2000 with the album Tropical Brainstorm(her album titles were never without a little humor-even for an English girl). I began playing the album to death-to the point where my then partner Lee asked "could you PLEASE play something else?" It wasn't just a good album-it was her best. She was often quoted as saying "There's no reason to shove your face in the public presence if you don't have anything worthwhile to say."

I thought this album deserved to be heard by everyone and I made sure I mentioned it as often as possible. I rarely use an entire album to cheer myself up but this album is so determined to be sunny you can't can't help but feel the rays beaming out of the speakers. After her divorce, licking her wounds and looking for new directions, she visited Cuba for the first time. This was WAY Before the Buenavista Social Club and the influx of Cuban music that was cool in the late 1990's. Visiting several times over the years, she immersed herself in the culture, tasting the nightlife and recapturing her verve-including falling in love again with a somewhat younger man. They began writing songs. She wrote more with a few others, leading to the songs which became Tropical Brainstorm. The woman who wrote these songs sounds about as in love with life as you can imagine.

She was taking a quick last minute vacation to Cozumel, Mexico just prior to beginning a small tour in support of the album. She rarely toured and almost never in the US so the success of the first single "in these shoes" boded well. I was all set to finally get a chance to see her live and then...one Saturday morning in September...she was dead. In fact she had been killed while snorkeling with her two small children and her new lover, by a wealthy Mexican businessman driving a powerboat in an area reserved only for swimming. Kirsty died pushing her two children out of the way of the boats path, putting herself in their place. She was struck on the back of the head while her two children watched, narrowly missing being hit themselves. She was killed instantly. The driver of the boat didn't even stop. Because he was drunk. Kirsty's elderly mother has spent the intervening 10 years devoting herself to bringing the man to justice.

I knew how corrupt the Mexican judicial system was and was not surprised that they pinned the murder on some poor guy who the businessman claimed had been piloting the boat at the time of the accident. It wasn't true. One more reason to hate the rich? At this point I was just stunned hearing about it. She was only 41, in the prime of her life and in love again doing something she loved with the most important people in her life by her side. The wrongness of her death troubles me even now. I often find myself thinking of her and begin to cry. Taken at exactly the wrong time, just when everything was starting to go her way(Bette Midler even covered 'In These Shoes'-which was released as a single after Kirsty's death)and with SUCH a great album. Not a good album...a GREAT Album. And her best. She went out on top both as an artist but also a songwriter. You can tell she was the real deal, a one-off firing on all cylinders.

Everyone loved her-even in the notoriously backstabbing record industry-and she was the kind of woman you could call a 'broad' without her taking offense. She would have probably offered you a glass of red wine and drunk you under the table instead. Smart, sassy, gifted and a voice like a fiery red-headed angel with a personality to match. Even as talented as she was, with as many truly 'famous' people that she knew she always said her greatest achievement was her children. And in a way she made sure they would live, even if she might not.

Its been 10 years since her death. I play her music all the time-nearly everything holds up-even the 80's material. But its always bittersweet-and I find myself thinking of the what if's. What if she had lived? What would she be doing-would those concerts I never got to see her perform in have been the best? I'll never know. I just keep playing her records and doing what I can to share her truly vibrant spirit with the rest of the world. She taught me to laugh when it hurts and cry because it feels so wonderful to be alive.



I miss you Kirsty. Have a Margarita and a record player waiting when I get there, would you?

Love Steve

And for the record

FUCK Meg Whittman for ANYTHING. She thinks she can run this state like she ran Ebay - like a corporation. Well, some news dear...when you're in charge of the show and its your word uber alles that might work.

But...

This is California. People here don't like being told what to do-or watching some multibillionaire tell them how their money should be spent. Like the sticker on the fence of the newspaper machine said "God bless the Obscenely wealthy." and that's about it. We don't want you because you can make money-it takes MORE than that. I think you are VASTLY underestimating what kind of a thrill ride you are in for.

Its a Little Come Hither

But who else is looking back?



Back to a goatee - we'll see how long this one lasts.

Utter Exhaustion (whose to say we live in the moment)

not here....the other place.

Just weary I guess
I'd like to stop
sit awhile
and rest.

Been siphoning off
slow poison and
understood
its the top.

Laughing, transient
dreaming of
tangents and
the rent.

They all said cuckoo
but I still
fell for it
and for you.

utter exhaustion
no explanation
frustrated by
the question.

No brow to anoint
so how in orbit
late for my
disappointment.

New Goals / Sept - End of Year

Solid Goals

1. Solid employment
2. Get the hell out of this overpriced shit hole
3. New Blog/Website - As a place holder until real website is finished
4. Artist Representation -
5. Get back to making art like my life depended on it
--------------------

Well, I'm off to a great start. I already got #3 checked off and I feel the wheels of(industry)starting to grind forward underneath me. Its strategy time.

If You're Into That Sort of Thing

http://artofstevenpaigedavis.blogspot.com

Schizoid Plan gets Out of Hands

farewell
better be well,
when did my hand
kill the man
on judgment day?
did things get out of control?
trying to
express your soul,
unleashed feelings
like chopped off feelers
that no longer transmit
collar too tight
clothes too unfashionable
to fit.

Better ever, lopped off head
playing cards
flattened by insurrection
thinking too hard
stuck in the mud.
different names for people
who are all the same
different names for me
to keep track of the pain.
separation, inspiration
want to have one strong line
not nets and webs
that snake on
throughout the future
multiple, multitudes,
etudes, groovy tunes
where did my hands
get the idea to punish,
to move in space?

crushed feelers
not transmitting
curl up like ants
in the blaze of the
white light pinpointed fire
when put under
such solar scrutiny
its all for one
its all for nothing
its microscopic mutiny
where does myself bend
in the wind
like reeds
thrown like seeds
into the fields
of constellations
(underneath crawl
the scorpions
of unfettered desire)

Better I beat them
Well, I beat the drum
like the last lingering rhythm
in the afternoon sun.

Make It In The Straight World Part II

Make It In The Straight World

People often ask "what does it look like when you don't draw nudes?"


Now you know.

Title: "You Wait Until Your Time Comes 'Round Again"
Approx. 14" x 24" Color Pencil on 50% gray 80Lbs. cold-press stock

Chafing Against the Bones of Eternity

The real way to fight demons is to be a conjurer yourself. To pull something from thin air, see something no one has ever seen or see it in a way no one else can, make tangible the intangible. like a warning for evil spirits(the real ones) that you aren't going down without a fight.

The Healer in the Hope & Anchor (Mad Jack)

listen...

one two three four
on the surface
he seems sensible
but deep inside
the reasoning
is fading.
like a wall
that weakens
under the strength
of many seasons.
you can see the
lies
of the other side
for every passing
day is it any wonder
that I never close my eyes
thinking about you.

I rear up in
my madness
like snorting horses
revealing naked
foals on the
uneven ground.
Is it any wonder
I am always
thinking of you.
no matter where you
are

I can trace you by the stars
tonight

The moon is out(surrender to the tears)
The moon is out(there goes the light)
The moon is out(the shadows will come to swallow us soon)
The moon is out(not the only one counting clocks)
Is it any explanation
to say I've lost my mind?
No idea where to find
it; gone someplace
I can't get.

Is it any wonder
I never seem to close my eyes?
Is it?
Is it?
Waiting for the spirits
to come and steal the
thunder,
blunder into some
different state of
mind, all the laces
will finally
be undone.
all the traces will be
wiped away
by the sun

I'm Digging your scene - The Blow Monkeys

Doctor Robert...nothing has changed.

In 1986 I was 14 years old and this track was a hit on the radio, on MTV and elsewhere. It was one of the first songs to be very specifically about the AIDS crisis (they put your in a hole to fill in/but I prefer you to be seen). I should have been dancing and discovering the joys of being a teenager. Instead I was learning that being gay meant I was going to die of AIDS and all around me people I loved or knew of were already becoming sick or had actually died. People driving by in trucks screamed "Fag!!" at me on the way to school. Could they tell I was gay-that in my heart I fell in love with men? What was so wrong with me that they couldn't see the love in my heart? That I was just like them?

I am 38 this year. That was almost 25 years ago now. Sometimes it feels like the world is still so full of hatred I don't know how I even go on, and is the world even worth saving anymore? I don't know what the hell I am doing sometimes...its like treading water but dying of thirst.

Brain please go to sleep - stop the world, I want to get off.

Thoughts on a Lizard

There were two lizards once.
They didn't have names.
Just lizards really,
not big ones.
Just simple
alligator lizards.
Part of the ecosystem.
Eating bugs.
moss, other smaller lifeforms.
Everyday they were there.
I would find them.
Everyday.
Some days sunning themselves.
ravishing in the
scorching sun.
Other times
hiding in dead
christmas trees,
hidden as if
branches.
sleeping,
for the fog
must be lifting
I saw them.
Many places
adjacent to
where I was working.
thinking.
smoking.
breaking from
the tyranny
of lifting 50lbs
bags of cement
no place to vent,
no one to hear
my desperate cry.
anguished, trying
to figure out
what was wrong with me.
why couldn't I be
purposeful in my
existence?
Why was I left
hobbled by doubt
and here
where two lizards
bathed, eating
mud and bugs
achieving a level of
perfecting I
could never know.
I fed them.
Gave them crushed bugs
to eat.
playing my
own part
in the bigger scheme
of things.
I admired their
persistence.
existence
on a much simpler
plane-freed from the
notion of nothingness
of emotional turmoil.
not embroiled by
tribulation.
Beautiful, eternal
perpetual and
timeless.

I figured the lesson was there before me if I wanted to learn something. I still think about the level of calm these two lizards(obviously a pair-a male and female-their skulls are very different in width from male to female)exhibited while I either held them or moved them repeatedly. I often acted in their own best interest over my own while cleaning a rather large yard side area full of debris, including making sure that no cement dust was left on the soil-which can burn their skin and making sure I checked each large piece of trash or dead wood as I scrapped it-so that they didn't get 'bagged' or crushed in the removal process. This caused a few stirs with Mark but I don't care. The animals were more important to me. They lived with truth and I felt deserved the right to live. The chance to let nature take its course, not be wiped out by one man's carelessness. IN my mind there is no greater life form. all living things have a value and a worth. Even though I eat meat and consume my fair share of resources as a human being-I like to think that I do my best to co-exist with nature and my place in the food chain and to show other living things I come into contact with respect-even when I might be eating them.

I referred to them as Jack and Jill because they were always on the hill together.

And yeah, this IS that lizard.



Look at that Stare!! Like he wants to kill your whole family and THEN burn the house down. Notice to the mice-you WILL be eaten!!

This is the female.



even though she was smaller she was still a good 11 inches in length. he was almost 12". There is probably a crude dick joke in there but I'll let it go for now. ;)

The Cuteness!!

After nearly 14 years these two still spend time with one another, grooming, playing and romping(though less romping for Tweed lately)and as always they are so photogenic its just WRONG!! And this pictures says a lot about the two of them. Tweed looks rueful and suspicious while Josquin is like "Hey! Look!! A CAMERA!!"

Love them to pieces...they help keep me together.

The Time is 15:00 GMT / the price of America

this program is coming to
you direct from the voice
of america
its hysterical
do I even care
he sitting in that chair
I laugh at him
his blank stare.
the gate
the hating
frustrating
experience
I was
I was euphoria
I felt victorious
I felt the vapor
asphyxiate us.
burnt to a crisp
tossed like
fuel into
the belly
of the phoenix
what came between us?
It felt beneath me.
and I was guilty?
and I was petty?
let all your devils
come and try to get me.
I blow out your candle.
I laugh at your haste.
one day you'll taste
the knowledge you can't handle.
attacked by vandals
your heart is black coal
blocked forest hideaway
you said we'd find a way
but I was lead astray
I thought we'd fly across
oceans and drink in
the spray.
instead you walked away
while we were in a trench.
I had a hunch
when it came
time to crunch
I'd be left high and dry
like an abandoned boat.
no chance for redemption
only worried
when you can't float.

(yeah, fuck it. I found the right guy to build a raft out of hell with already thankyouverymuch you evil bastard-and its NOT you. (waves at Bob ;)- (pushes cluttered block of ice out towards the sea)(goes back to making art)(this program is coming to you from the United Stated of America - this is radio america - this radio calling - this is radio chaos - are you calling? - are you stalling? - I am falling in love with this handsome creature - we're both teachers - standing ovation - radio programming coming to you love from aboard.....live...live.....what a world it is...

2 Compositions in Black and Grey / My 200th Blog Entry!!!

First off...Holy Cow! 200 Entries?! Its like I'm a writer or something. like, for real you know? grown up style!! Whoooo Whoo!!!

Okay, now that I have furiously poked a hole in my own self importance...on with the Art!!!

01. Spectral Underwater Apparition (Parallax Aggregate)



04. Elusive Dream Pianos (repetition for Steve Reich)



Not too bad for 4am on a hotel bathroom floor. Even tired and wacked on drugs I make art. I Win.