I remember names
strange words shouted
as though I were meant to understand them
a sudden state of disorientation
the pavement suddenly curled up around me
boys arms pushing;grabbing
pulling apart.
my head landing hard
the smell of the street
warm beneath my face
the taste of the tar
and my tears there
in the otherwise
beautiful midday
summer sun.
I couldn't hide.
I couldn't stay in one universe then.
real life was where my head floated around
at night, when the medication wore off
and real ultra-vivid life came
lunging back at me.
there was no where to run.
boys chased me in the day.
I could never run fast enough.
at night, if I ever did manage to sleep
I would be chased again.
I could never run fast enough.
upstairs, downstairs
houses with a hundred haunted rooms
filled to the brim
with ghosts.
with dead men's faces
talking in the walls.
talking all night long
talking about the watchers
and the black hands in the darkness
in protection I built up the sheets and the blankets
like a fortress.
the pillow rested on my chest.
forced to stay awake
chin resting on the clear dream mirror
breathing fear closely condenses on
windows.
my fingers were dream machines.
drew me past dangers
to a future better remembered.
the glass was like a message
scratched into the beach at low tide
destined to be washed away
just the moonlight, a few bright stars
an a aimless childhood fantasy...
a place to paint, to chart a course for escape.
design a space ship, or a doorway, a floating sphere
or just some way to get the hell
out of here.
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