Blow by Blow

Finally a posting on my art blog.

90 days ago was my last post. 3 months. no art for three months. 3 fucking months.

Enjoy that cruise. Really. Enjoy it.

But you know what? It may have slowed my output, but it didn't stop it.

You're not that powerful or able. not in a 100 years.

My brain kicked back and right on track: More art.

Its been a rare experience in my life not to make any new work for such a long period. there are no words, just raw anger. And your unbridled selfishness? I made it into beauty. You were an unscrupulous, unprofessional boss, a inconsiderate slob and liar as a roommate and a terribly emotionally abusive/emotionally distant partner not to mention a self absorbed and self interested friend. Any redeeming qualities as a human are all down to being nothing more than a trash receptacle for cum. Good luck with that - now that you've blown all your good fortune.

Begone bad spirits. Begone!

Feline Photomontage

He Knows, He Knows, He Knows...

even the darkness is the back of sunlight / rain makes the beautiful flowers

Rant In Angst Minor / elluvial absolutical

what a week! what a weak! what a wreck!

holy shitballs batman! seriously, who the fuck found the rug that was underneath me and pulled hard?

The walls and sea of cardboard continue to rise and slosh before me.
The place is in turmoil, impossible to clean or to straighten.
there is no place to put my feet where boxes or wrapped packages or cats
do not suddenly appear.
I am the ballet dancer in a minefield.
I dancing-yes, as fast as I can!
someone puts a record on.
someone else puts a record on.
the radio, toaster, alarm clock, cat, refrigerator,
downstairs washing machine,
crazy neighbors, banging doors, showering tricks upstairs
through it all I crawl
around things, over boxes to get to other boxes
looking for the box I put so and so inside
so I wouldn't, uh, forget...uh...what were we talking about?

Peter Murphy, a hero, brought down. Someone I respected. admired.
Michelle Shocked, someone who I thought talented, now strung out, homophobic and lunatic.
Morrissey, my teenage father figure and reason for being, sickened with middle age maladies.
a long term friend, her nearly 20 year relationship over...so much sadness
people I haven't heard from in years
wanting answers
wanting something they don't need
wanting something they don't want
so much change.
so much chaos...that I can't change
so much rage I can't put any place
except inside somewhere
in the hollow caverns carved out in childhood.

I'm doubting myself, surely-but I am not out.
one thing I learned from my mistakes: voice it.
holding it inside forever(as opposed to temporary storage which is a-okay in Imperfect-Land)
never helps anything.
everything is changing
change is the nature of everything.

Old photos of San Francisco, my home
unfamiliar places and people now only a memory
and somewhere in there is me
my shadowy black and white memories
my birth
my rebirth.
my cocooning
hiding from the sun
not sure If I am the butterfly dreaming he is still a caterpillar
or the caterpillar dreaming he is the butterfly
or both.
a baby is born
and a women is stabbed
somewhere people are suffering far more than I
and another shapeless formless night
passes underneath the streets
when the tears come.


Thank goodness I have you.

Confidential To The Boy Who Hugs Teddy Bears

a
butterfly
floats by
in a cathedral
the walls
are there
unsupported
confidential
going ever onwards
up to the
sky
where
dreams rain
down in time
to diamonds do
you stay there
to catch
them
do you
dare.


some great
unsecret
whispered
in an
outspoken
moment.
don't worry
its confidential
Teddy knows...

Tides Over Ides

what color will
they make the leaves be
in the new spring
what color will they invent
this year and
call it green
the fingerlings will grow
through whatever
directing the earth helps
it see
but we don't know
what of it?
and we don't know
the unknown
for sure.

Let's Go / It Begins / !!! / Time for a Re-Invention

here's a story, no
it goes like this:

every star
is exploding
and imploding
at the same time
we are its instant
the rush of wind that sucks in
before the backdraft burns like the sun
that black space
that immeasurable distance
we can't map or create
lost signals
go into nowhere
but out here
you see the distance
its a hindrance
spaceships only last for so long
your bones grow thin
oxygen renewal grows dim
better to find a safe place to calm down

on a hill
maybe 100 years ago it was high
lonely hill
calling out to birds
and bees
and daffodils
we are here together
we have always been here before
we were grass before this
before the birds,
the lizards
the eggs, mammals
and the secrets of the bottom
of the seas
see?

before I saw your face
on the stairs
I saw your face in the stars
in the dew on the window
on some sleepless morning
I saw your face in air
condensing
as I had expected it to be
life has a way of reminding me
every so often, to just 'give up'
only control, wanting too much
complicates,
entropy is honesty
There is no mystery
death is not scary, really.
life is far more a thrill
but some parasites attach themselves
to your kite
when the flame of your dreams
ignites
always (Solutions / working in place / current block to ecstasy)

this wouldn't be here without you - you know that, right?

some fucking seriously bullshit people from the past
like run off  cliff stupid - we're trying harder - than their whole lives
ungrateful relations not relative to our lives - we outstrip them.
just bad dreams ebbing ever onward into dust
buried in amber for the next pack of idiots
to get caught up in daydreams
I found a dragon who could fly
lets fly away from
this dog and pony show
slough off these cobwebs,
blow this popsicle stand
and go baby, go.

On-fucking-Wards

Hanging On The Outside Of Open Lights / Some Freedom

no crazies left alive
neural pathways
checked for confidence
and then bullets fly
nothing left to hear but guns
nothing left to fear but guns
where will all the bodies fall
when our kingdom rises
you want to tear thru it
taken to extremes slave to lace made of
barbed wire rusted through
the hereafter
its a cancer
you have to traVEL THRough
its an orgy
that fucks your senses like a bad cold
tired of the tedium of the meaningless
whimsical  +/= miscalculated release
the future; unclaimed that voices fear preachers in the ether
the flames that meant to
save you
your saviour
humiliate your self reputation
no limitations
they might as well
have set you on fire
like every despot who ruled
you will pay the price
it will be too high
it will burn as high
as the fire that eats you
that cooks you
here to strip you
send you to unruly infirmary, obscene
what horrors could have been
had I means of accessing
the plate glass
breaks glissando echoes PASS
ever fiber of canvas unremembered will haunt you,
if not the you You
the half life
your pretend to live in sleep.
ever pound that is hard to lift
every extra roll roll of situation lost in the
chins of your face
every memory you can't unsift
like ghosts
like pains in your side that role you over
in sleep
sickly sheep
you kept the promise
mother took to the deep
where the punishment continues in judgment
outside the honor of the hour her ghost continues to push
no need to cast cement but rather dead flowers BURN THIS ABSTRACT ? SMILE AND OBEY
you are not yourself you are the real self others make you
this is destiny
not escaping it
this is what angels pretend to be in projection
just musty panes of glass under thought lakes
silverized to indicate value but really empty moneyless glamourourness taste just like sand
you don't even know how to care about because you are SLOWING down into now...

your memory fears
unkept
unexamined
axe glamour wiped
hemoglobin free
pollution of time marred history shifts to mutiny
unseen \/ spaces leaving smudges
erased faces wiped clean
after you light this
bath of choices
in the midnight
fire.

Lucre is the Large Infection / Its Time For Your Injection

move into
a small space
under a blanket of snow
fear under the stars
they all crash into the tundra
and cast all that is seen into darkness

its okay
sit here and we'll play
turn down the lights games
read labels and forget names
count the flakes
from underneath
invisible
no one can see us
no one can hear us
no one can hurt us
when we're invisible

crazy promise
that love is
a hundred thousand daggers
and a voice screamed hoarse in ecstasy
in between each set of eyes
truths are exchanged
and we're chased by swans
around the lake ignored manly mornings
each wrapper is pulled away
and tossed aside
pain is your just reward
slow pollution of the derelict insides
rotten from reproduction and fallow
damaged schoolgirl dreams
facetious raping reality's injection with liquidity
like the poison of the vampire's
kiss.

crawling

from an old ruin
to an abandoned building
the place where I laid
my head
was full of scars
silent battle trumpets
empty battlefields
hope creeps along
at a snail's pace
as repeating shadows
wag like talkless tongues
laughing mouths
lidless eyes
that see inside
........

somebody please, something, anything.

5th Degree Bleeding Prehistronic Skies

how did we
get to this space
this placeless
destination
this over grown abandoned
patch of dismay
spineless conflagration
another story
or a myth
a lie that gets distracted and
takes the fifth
fading with the light
trading in for a night
only fire will make it right
amongst the bits of dried blood and broken glass

lower the curtain
the masquerade is over
 the party is gone
the building is burning
what kind of dream lingers
in ash all alone?

bring all the bile you want
pour if off
the edge of the cliff with the memory
hesitate before all the glitter and gall that lashed out like
enemies frozen in the bloodied snow.

no one will find them
no one will know the lake of fire
no naked bodies dancing
entranced lanterns watch
until their end of time.
read through the fine print
lost in a dash.

Elegy For Antimony And Petrol

((Draft)

Unfinished soliloquy
interrupted by damaged cacophony
shake in time to the dischord
the growing hordes
cannot discern the odes to freedom
whores and saints ride the median
in to distolian admissions
to ponder
the collapse souls in the moment
of disarmament
disenchantment
disenaging dismorphic abandoned
acolades mistakes fade
in distance rattled clocks broken
draize train padlocked; addled.

is it clue-filled arithmetic changing
 or refractions on a theme in
language becoming gorgeous
panhandled illustrated
undemanding
orchestrated for
the sound of wings flapping
over low mountains.

minded. carbon
unspooled filled
a universe riding unhinged undiminished
knife edges.
as dawn raids
air escapes
pinions swing in the
swim of mechinics
authentic ryhtm
machines , portals of symmetry
eclaipsed by history
erased and brought together
in Antimony's desire.

Tree # 6 / New Topper

Best Xmas Tree 2012

Finally a good tree shot.

Unclouded

on an uncloudy day
nothing will be in our way
nothing will hold us down
the sky and 
the road will stretch out
forever and ever and ever
in hope

Facebook Test

Steve Paige Davis

Create Your Badge

Not There

did I get on the wrong train
one with a mixed up
destination
the place you want to be
keeps changing
while you learn
to forget
madmen dreams
the familiar face dealing with the same
pains running away
with a song or a note
that's never here or there
rock and roll isn't always
there to save you
in the lowest ebb
of static blistering through
the rashness of decisions in
the dark corners
where mad thoughts laughing back
at me.

What kind of wall did
I ever believe in
that would be made
of nothing?

with each bad decision
some part me
I don't remember
is disintegrating

broken sidewalks
where I paused or stopped
never seemed to lead
me somewhere decent
a descent into recent unhappiness
or something dredged up
from the unrecent past
like a wet coat I can't shrug
nothing works, even drugs

I am so tired... so tired. 

Xmas 1972 - 1976

Xmas 2012 / Animals and Icons

Oceanview in Mendocino

and the love of my life...