(trumpets) Here

"I wake up every day
but I don't want it that way."
Brett Anderson -He's Dead

Well, I'm right depressed at the moment.

Its chemical surely, but with as many chemicals
as there are swirling in my brains right now
its almost impossible to
find out what is right and what is wrong
I think the answers are in my brain
or hidden deep within a song
I cry all the time.
the curl of my cats paw
as he sleeps
the beauty in a spider's web
delicately laced with dew
the first few seconds of crackle
at the beginning of every record
the cloud spinning past the window
when I look out
the stars seem lonely
as life and the hands of every clock
tick away
I ran away and was hidden by this city
this is the big time
the stars are all on the ground
but all the little voices
they will drown
one single voice
that's merely
in the way

WTF/FTW

What is the cadence
of a wasted youth?
the lapse of a breath
that begins with a howl,
right before it becomes absorbed
by the whirling vortex.
does it sound like that?

Again I pick up the prescription
for an unnecessary addiction
for medication that doesn't work
on a disease I don't have.

What becomes a legend most?
sucking all the blood from its host.

a volatile dream

my claw feet
grip the generation
before and after the
revolutions.

sadness.
it passes into a kiss and
then it is the only thing that
matters.

Zephyrs fly
and overhead
the voices in the sky that
tug at my shirt
lost in the stupor
the dreaded torpor and
the mortal coil.

blessed are those that sleep
blessed are those who sleep.
smoke and ash in a heap,
smoldering and replete
with its stern and steel
facade that will make you cry
blessed are those who sleep,
blessed are those that sleep...

Please let me find out why...
are the answers in the sky?
Will I find it in the stars?
passive and pale,
dreaming of what may
one day be a real life
now hidden in sleep...
blessed are those that sleep..
(its a real life better than mystery)
Are the answers in the sky?
hidden in sleep,
hidden in
hidden in sleep.

Sept 11th

"They whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before,They are now...
wherever we are"

anonymous - from the 9/11 tribute site

heroes and old ghosts

And would my tears fall into the sky
where heroes and old ghosts go to die
another winter here in the white hills
over green and pleasant yet distant lands
strange arms came to hold me in the night
just another layover until the morning light

won't someone tell me all the secrets
that I long to let go of
to throw into the wind
dismiss like a careless thought
I know...
it goes on and on
and on and on
and on....

the skin from my feet is gone

couldn't sleep again.
the rain in my brain was pounding
like thunderstorms over ancient oceans
body clenching and heaving
sheets wet with sadness and dissolution
impatience and impermanent
trying to find some safe spot to land on
to find home
somewhere with enough answers
so I won't keep looking.
a nest,
a haven
from the mavens and
their writing blocks
that I stack on and climb
hurriedly I scale the right-angled
formations until there is nothing
just the smooth white facade
of the reflection in itself
the mirror reversed
minus light
and hope.

Le Morte Della Con Tutti Frutti

Turn into stone


then I'll be damned
he said
as he turned and walked
away...

the women all turn into
statues
as do the men in their
own way,
Understand me...
its all a lot of misery
but then you see one day
the sea...

try to grab a cloud
hold on to a dream
no conflagration
burns forever
in the slipstream.
------

words/birds

Not in love with words,
not in winged flight
like the birds
or the stars
in their flight
over the midnight
obsidian; void
the empty nothingness
and that which lies beyond
they shoot like needles
into the tar-like
surface of the
universe...

Not in Love with Fear

Whether the glass is half empty
or whether it's half full,
I'm still drowning in the
waters of this vessel that
I'm in...its funny,
mystery and romance,
topical depressions,
watching dead can dance
in the near light
of this waning candle
I hold my hand aloft one more time
and I wonder....

------

If you give me a rope
I promise not to hang
myself with it
as long as I can hold on
to it instead.

New portrait

reistat

Leave without saying
goodbye.
Make everyone else
try harder
but don't try.
take a long long
look at the fingers
pointing back
and ask why.

Too angry to wonder
or even ponder
semantic differences
or emotional inferences
all caught up in the maelstrom
of you.

Of You
in an emotional
minefield.
booby traps
and inconsideration
laid out for all to see.
secrets kept
though lost in thought
and the voices of many men
who've lost the plot.

it feels like the asking
and the waiting for
the response
is haunting me while
the hours pass
in dimly lit restaurants.

I never wanted
to be grim
or affronted
but I keep on asking
for the light
and the time.
to see it all through.

you just can't work it out

No its love,
like a curl of smoke
that fades
no smiles
or passion
in the remains

You drag your hands
through the ash and
with two fingers,
indicate the war paint
on your cold and
sullen face.

No, its love.
like a blast of steam,
the build of pressure
and the initial scream.
hot dares, no cares,
dissolved in air.

It can move mountains
be pushed aside
by the wave of
a careless hand
and yet beside
the silence
at the end of the
phone that buzzes
when you hang up first

its love
and can we take anymore?
I try to work it out
to work it out...

A rustle in the branches(distracted by momentary thoughts of suicide)

look out the window; daydreaming
nothing but ever whitening skies,
blazing away in the afternoon.
ego crumbling
by sheets of glass
singing to no one
just me and the trees
clapping like a million
sets of eyes
they see me, waiting
but a step away
a single step
is all it
takes.

The World is Made of Clay

mixed words
or intentions
that seem unclear
words that need
to be said
but no one says
I want but not
what you want
distraught and
taught to lose
you shield you
from abuse soon
no can even really
get that close
the door slams
the lights go out
the welcome mat
is pulled from
beneath your feet
caked in clay
soil shoes you
feel buried in blues.

Its all evaporating like a distant dream....

Will the water
of your loneliness
wash all the scars away
when time has passed?
swirling like a gas
the crimson flow
evaporates
in the stillness
of the empty glass.

Michael Jackson

Well, I watched the memorial concert/funeral and probably like most people I found it both incredibly moving and sad. Moving because it was so nice to see people speak so genuinely from their hearts and without judgment and sad because it took Michael's death to finally give him his due, so very long overdue.
The singing was wonderful(most specifically Jermaine and Stevie Wonder) and seeing what a wide range of people he touched. Certainly his passing and the unprecedented amount of coverage and sheer mass of information that has passed regarding his death and tributes both personal and professional are hard to ignore. the numbers alone are pretty staggering.

Not sure why you'd leave in summer but its a bummer michael, and so very very sad...

Something Special

I look out the window
Haven't seen you in a while
the last time we kissed,
the last time you smiled
like I kept your heart in my pocket
to tear it out would be
like ripping an arm out
of its socket...
short of
a locket
its the only thing
sometimes I feel like
there is left to hold on to.
when the black rabbits come again
and they're calling my name
and dancing...
I'm trying to work
out something special
in a void where I'm
left wandering and lost
but the quiver of my arrows
seems to be somewhere else and
the clear vantage point I once had
has all but faded from my view.

I'm a little blind now.

I know I'm facing in the right direction
even with my seemingly mixed bag of intentions.
trying to make some more beautiful rainbows
less of living in black and white.
don't always know my
wrong from right.
don't want to fight
fade
out...

See you

Her hair and his
were entwined
and astray.
The car
and the red
leather interior
beyond skill
and love
stolen
lot, keys
and the dust
and the alchohol
and the pills
and the sleeping
while the engine
ran
and ran
ran away
with the time
and their lives
and the memory of
love in the depths
at the end of time...

Holy Cow, Angela Landsbury wins a Tony!

I'll never forget your face
the same after 80 winters
your long hair
and september valentines
Hard to believe
you'll always be mine
Back in history
and before the war
You thought of me
calling from Japan
on business
the gaze I saw reflected
in chance moments
and your kiss
hit the nail upon the head
catch the

I never knew
like some fiend
that girls were cruel
you were 17
you bucked up
faced the truth
learned to shoot pool
and broke away
from the shame
changed your face
and then your name
account closed
no more withdrawls
after September
the winds will have gone
from whence they came

UP

The new Disney/Pixar movie really surprised me. The first 20 minutes are probably some of the most sublime and sad moments I have ever seen in a cartoon or animated movie. I could not stop crying! Even though the film has elements which are obviously fantastical, there is so much grounding the film emotionally, you barely realize how strange the circumstances of the plot are(Balloons tied to a house that happens to float all the way to South America overnight?) yet that alone is not enough to stop me liking this film.

It works on a lot of levels, even though there were times when I thought the pace was a little slow. Of course the visuals are spectacular-even animated they are spectacular. I saw the film in 3D but honestly, other than the title blocks and the some of the (talking) dog chase scenes, I didn't really get that much added to the film. It was really not necessary but it got me to fork over another three bucks to the Castro Street Theatre where I saw the film. And I love supporting local movie houses in the heart of the gayest neighborhood on the planet.

Go see the film-its aimed at kids obviously but there is a wonderful film for adults in there as well, something for everyone. If you have recently lost a loved one or a spouse this film may be hard to watch but essential to healing one's heart. I highly recommend it.